The Bad Moms Club

Princesses Of The Day, Mean Girls Edition

We just got back from our GM Canada-sponsored trip to Disney World, where, contrary to expectation, we didn't commune with any princesses. Sure, Cinderella waved at us, and Snow White ambled by with her coterie of dwarfs, but the girls didn't insist upon hanging out with them, which is kind of a good thing, I guess, because seriously, have you seen this? MEAN GIRLS!

Bad Moms Love Vampires And Also The Man Your Man Could Smell Like

I realize that I'm probably the last person on earth to see the latest Old Spice commercial - you know, the one with the man your man could smell like? - but I saw it for the first time a few days ago, and I haven't stopped laughing since. Up until now I really didn't think that I'd find anything better on the 'net this week, but.

But!

Bad Moms Love Talk Show Hosts Who Make Wishes Come True

Have you heard about 'Crying Cody', the three-year-old girl whose mother posted a video of her sobbing over Canadian pop star Justin Bieber on YouTube? The video took off like wildfire - nearly two million people have watched Cody shed many a tear over Justin in less than a month - and even folks who don’t really know (or care) about Justin Bieber (like me!) have got to admit that Cody is pretty freakin’ adorable.

Elmo Breaks It Down On The Wendy Williams Show

Did anyone catch the Wendy Williams Show the other day? Elmo was a special guest on the show, and if you were watching, you probably saw his totally awesome rendition of the show's theme song, complete with special vocal effects and backup dancers.

If you're like me and didn't see the episode, then check this awesomeness out:

Bad Moms Know A Bad Thing When They Hear It

I’m not afraid to admit that I used to consider myself one of the world’s biggest Poison fans, and that, for a long time, I found the band’s frontman, Bret Michaels, quite desirable. But sometime late last decade (which, not so coincidentally, is when Rock of Love made its big debut) I stopped seeing Bret as the rugged rock n' roll crooner I wouldn't kick out of bed and started thinking of things like male pattern baldness, venereal disease, male sluts, and one-hit wonders whenever I heard his name.

The 47-year old rocker is in the headlines again – and no, this time it’s not because he’s driving a Winnebago across the United States in search of his long lost rock mama, thank gawd. This time, it’s about music. Bret’s been busy in the studio, you see, recording a hot new single with none other than... Miley Cyrus.

Bad Moms Love Bad Dogs And Also Doritos

My husband makes TV commercials. He made this one:

It's funny because it's true. Also, Doritos. (It's actually part of a contest. Most views wins. It'd be awesome if his won. Yes, this is shameless spousal promotion. You want to make something of it?)

YouTubeorama: Charlie Bit My Finger...Again!

One of my most vivid childhood memories is when I got stung by a bee. I was four years old, playing with a friend on the veranda, when a bee landed suddenly on the palm of my hand.

“Don’t make a fist, or the bee will sting you,” my friend warned. I considered that for a moment before I promptly closed my hand, simultaneously squishing the bee and stinging myself.

I knew if I made a fist that I’d get hurt, yet I did it anyway. And three-year-old Harry knew that if he stuck his finger in his baby brother’s mouth he’d get bitten, yet he did it anyway...again.

Baby Simulators 2.0

When I was a kid eggs or robo-newborn  dolls served as baby simulators for teens taking health class. Theoretically it's supposed to teach them how insane caring for an infant can be and how much attention a child requires. I guess it works but all I really know is baby simulators are a familiar plot and perhaps even legally required storyline in sitcoms involving teenage characters.

Anyway. After watching the following video I couldn't for the life of me figure out who would need or want one of these baby simulators? Surely it's too cumbersome for a teenager to parent.

Making Your Tyrant Baby Work For You: Gordon Gekko Edition

So you remember the other day, when I was explaining about how Jean-Jacques Rousseau argued that babies are hard-wired to try to make us their bitches and that the keys to surviving baby tyranny are to a) educate them, such that their tyrannical impulses are reprogrammed in such a manner that they can learn to become good people and good citizens and, you know, share stuff (the argument of Rousseau's great work on education, Emile), or, b) make their tyrannical impulses work for you (HBM's argument, per her master class, Make Your Tyrant Baby Work For You)? Well, there's another option: you could always train them to be day traders.

Bad Moms Love Flashbacks: Birth of a Toy Craze

Raise your hand if you have never heard of a Cabbage Patch Doll? What! You haven't? Were you raised in a cave?

My daughter is second generation of Cabbage Patch Doll adoptive parent. My girl's precious bundle of adopted petite chou is covered in parent-inflicted highlighter face tattoos that make her look like some neon-Maori who can' stop grinning like a fool.

Anyway, the Cabbage Patch Dolls and their entire phenomenon never really died.